Spiritual growth results from the intentional merging of our physical, nonphysical, and metaphysical lives. External events happen to us, thoughts and emotions arise within us, spiritual intuitions call to us. Growth occurs at this fertile three-way intersection when we can process these exterior and interior dimensions and integrate them to become a more thoughtful, wiser, kinder person.
We use the incidents of life as fuel for growth. That pithy statement looks clean when written on the chalkboard, but growth unfolds so haphazardly that it’s hard to believe it happens at all.
I start as an innocent spark of consciousness wrapped in protoplasm, gifted with my unique DNA and natural proclivities. Through a life history that begins in the womb and continues throughout my life, I acquire a collage of conditioning: traumas, insecurities, neuroses, addictions, biases seen and unseen, fears that are easily activated, opinions firmly held though based on woefully incomplete information.
This is the human vehicle I am given to encounter life, in which I’m expected to survive the turbulence of the physical plane while maturing into a bodhisattva on the spiritual plane. I try to make sense of insensible dilemmas, draw meaning where I can, and make choices that cause more good than harm. But it’s like pouring water through a muddy sieve and expecting the water to run clear.
Who would design such a thing? I want my money back.
And yet, we have something working in our favor – that innocent spark of consciousness we all start with. If we nurture that spark with intention, our capacities grow. The spark’s potential to see deeper and deeper is bottomless.
We integrate the fragments of our lives by shining the light of attention on each experience and extracting information, like juice from an orange. The information may come consciously as insight, or it may slip past the verbal mind and land in a deeper reservoir. When I am attentive, it often starts with noticing that I am irritated or frustrated. I try to observe my emotions, see if I am caught in obsessive thought loops, and recognize when my addictive patterns intrude to soothe my jangled nerves.
As life pulls us through the mud of our conditioning, the sensations can become overwhelming, and we numb ourselves for protection. Good. That’s what we need at times. But as we are ready, integration invites us to stay open. Each step that revisits our old patterns, each wincing glance, each twinge of regret, each pang of guilt, is asking us to stay awake and look deeper yet again. As we integrate experience in ever higher octaves, our natural goodness shines more brightly. Our generosity flows, our frustrations subside, our nerves soothe more readily, our familiar addictions loosen their grip. Integration refines our thinking, strengthens our reserves, and heals our hurts.
Something else is working in our favor – our ever-present connection to Source, the immersive field of conscious intention that holds us, drenches us, calls us forward. Integrating the elements of life can feel like a walk in a dark wood, revisiting fearful episodes we would rather avoid. But we are never doing this work alone. We are partnering with forces we can never fully comprehend that nourish and guide us.
Forget what I said before. I don’t want my money back. I want to push my chips to the center of the table. I’m all in.
Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash