Spirit in the World of Form

I sometimes wonder if we are fallen angels, emissaries bringing spirit into form, enrolled in a vast experiment to see if our vibration can sustain itself within the density of matter, and whether, given conscious choice, we humans would destroy ourselves or save ourselves.

It would explain a lot. We seem to be constantly expressing two contradictory forces – one coming from our base elements centered on the needs of our small, egoic selves, and another from a higher source centered in the larger context we are all embedded within.

I recognize these two forces in myself. Life in the material world has real consequences. Like every living thing, I share the primal urge, honed over hundreds of millions of years, to preserve my physical well-being. The survival instinct is self-centered, protective, ever fearful of pain or loss. When aroused, it will fight for what it wants without mercy, capable of great power and unthinking cruelty. I cringe to remember the times I have hurt others out of reactivity or selfishness.  

But life as a spiritual being has real consequences too. There is within us, as primal as our survival instinct, a natural impulse for empathy and connection. We have the capacity for profound acts of kindness, compassion, and forgiveness, even in the face of cruelty. When the power of love is aroused, we are capable of sacrifice, foregoing our individual interests in service to something greater. I have felt this urge too, and have been guided at times by the better angels of my nature.

For a long time, I’ve viewed these forces as being in opposition. I hate the cruelty, I want to increase the compassion. I believe that this is where the experiment is taking us, and I want my choices to help it along. I’ve shaped my spiritual practice around this effort, training my perception to see when I am operating from ego and reorienting toward spirit. Each has a distinct energetic signature. In moments of awareness, I can feel the switch happen. I see my small self and I do not want to participate in his fears and addictions, his petty grievances, and I move away, glad to leave the lower and gravitate to the higher.

Recently, a growing intuition has been whispering that this isn’t quite right. Moving toward one means turning my back on the other, a subtle rejection of the parts of me that most need my attention. It is a type of escapism, a retreat from the very premise of the experiment. It’s not bringing spirit into form, it is substituting spirit for form.

This insight has brought a new sense of self, with its own energetic signature. I still recognize the forces of ego and spirit, self-interest and common good, separation and interconnection, but they feel joined, more closely aligned, traveling together. Now, in moments of awareness, I don’t experience it as a switch, it is an expansion that includes both. My awareness settles in place. The flavor is ordinary, fresh, accepting. The whole of me is fuller.

I am playing with this new multifaceted, unrejected self as I go through my spiritual practice and my daily activities. It feels more honest, less driven by perfection. The tension on the tug-of-war rope has eased. Surely this points to the heart of the experiment – can I learn to live in the world of form, with all its brutal requirements, and bring my higher vibrations of wisdom and compassion to each occasion, embracing all, abandoning none.

Photo by Ahmed on Unsplash