Wheelchair Lesson

I have a hernia and it hurts.

For several weeks, the bulge has been growing and the pain increasing. It hurts to bend down. It hurts to reach up. It hurts to go to the bathroom. I haven’t been able to rake the last of the autumn leaves, now rotting in the flower beds. I am finding muscles I didn’t know I had. It’s incredible the things you take for granted when nothing is amiss.

I take ibuprofen daily for the pain. The surgery center is booked out for two months. I view myself as capable and self-reliant, I don’t like feeling weak. It seems like my body is wearing out and I’m frustrated.

I can run simple errands, so I go to the store for a few necessities. In front of me in line is a man in a low-slung wheelchair. He talks cheerfully with the cashier, who rings up his items. I pay for my things and head out.

As I walk to my car, I see the man in the wheelchair is parked beside me. He has transferred himself into the driver’s seat, his wheelchair beside the open door. He’s obviously done this before, but I offer to help.

“Do you need a hand?”

“No,” he shakes his head. “I’ve got this.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’ve got it handled.”

“Thanks anyway, I appreciate the offer.”

As I put the groceries in the car, I watch him. I’ve never seen a wheelchair takedown and transfer before. He removes the wheelchair seat and puts it on the seat beside him. Then he pops off each wheel and lays them on the passenger floorboard. Last, he folds the frame and deftly pulls it across his body, over his shoulder, and into the back seat. Impressive.

Driving home, I feel inspired by the matter-of-fact way this man goes about his day, and also a little sheepish about my own complaints. This is a guy who is truly capable and self-reliant.

I’m always trying to grow into the best version of myself. To do this, I work with whatever comes up in my life, to learn from my experiences, whether pleasant or unpleasant. Viewing events as lessons to learn from builds my personal resilience. It also keeps me alert to the larger curriculum we are all involved in: creating a better world through self-awareness, acceptance, understanding, accommodation, and ultimately, love. But I realize that lately, I’ve been spending more time grousing than growing.

I get a call from the preop nurse. She’s had a cancellation and asks if I’d like to have my hernia operation on Monday. I jump at the offer. She explains that I’ll have minor pain for a week, then soreness and limited capacity for another month. After that, I should be good to go.

I hang up the phone and reflect on my good fortune. Soon, everything will be back to normal. The man in the wheelchair doesn’t have that luxury. My condition is a temporary inconvenience. For him, it’s a permanent aspect of his life, one he seems to manage seamlessly.

I like the word “enlightened,” but I’m not sure it fits what I’m aiming for. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say I want to become a conscious, integrated being, one who understands and navigates reality so that my footsteps harm no one and advance everyone. And that means discarding nothing, using everything that comes my way and digesting its significance. As the events of life percolate into my being, the way I see the world expands, a deeper faculty awakens to guide me.

It all serves me: the hernia, the discomfort and delays, the fact that simple surgery can heal me, the fear my aging body is giving out, my brief encounter with someone who modeled what it means to accept whatever life offers – I am grateful for it all.

Photo by Getty Images on Unsplash