The Longer Project

Being human, I am a messy jumble of complexity. Capable of unspeakable cruelty and epic heroism. Glorious and profane. Creation’s big bet to see what consciousness would do if given free rein. A shining light on the horizon. A hot mess.

I see all of this in me. I’m part of this long project that has been going on for countless eons. I yearn to see where it is going and to help it along.

I’m a physical being. I acquire and use the material aspects of the world to survive and flourish. I enjoy the sensations and movement of my physicality. I feel secure when I have what I need and fearful when I don’t. These are necessary to sustain my body, but I know the point is not to collect more possessions. There is something more.

I’m a mental, emotional, psychological being. I learn to regulate my internal states and navigate my relationships with others. I create theories and philosophies in my mind. My creative drive spins worlds of artistic beauty from whole cloth. These aspects enrich me. But I know the point is not to curate a life of personal comfort, chasing experiences that provide pleasure and avoid pain. There is something more.

All of these aspects of being human are indispensable. As a thinking, feeling, creative, physical being, I enjoy and participate in them freely. But I have an inner sense that they are not the final ends life is pointing to. They are the platform that allows a larger scene to play out. These first-layer aspects of being human facilitate something more because we humans are also something larger – we are spiritual beings too.

The eight billion of us wandering the planet express our spirituality in eight billion ways, each a tiny capillary pulsing life, a rivulet cutting its own path through the dirt. We are traveling on separate roads tied by a common thread, a yearning for something more. The small toils of our days can seem insignificant in the vast landscape, but each tiny expression is contributing to the longer project.

The common thread is hard to see, obscured by our daily tasks and general unruliness. I think we have an antenna, an inner knowing, that signals when we are in alignment with the project. It’s a feeling, but it sounds in a different register than normal feelings, almost below the physical. I feel it when I’m hit by an “Aha” insight; or when I’m overcome by the awe and beauty of a sunset, or the puffing breath of a newborn; or when I meet eyes with someone as I give or receive a kindness. When I touch the hidden energy that binds us, I feel the spring from which all rivulets flow, the heart that feeds every bloodstream. When I catch these glimpses behind the curtain, the world becomes coherent and worthwhile. I am lit up. My eyes shine.  

I can’t say with certainty where the project is headed, but I can pause and listen. And when I feel a deeper tone, I know I’m walking in the direction of its flow, and I know the world and I are better when I do.

Photo by Casey Horner on Unsplash