Like everyone, I want things to be easy. There’s no need to make life hard if there’s a smarter way to do things.
I’m always looking for tips, like Hints from Heloise: freeing a sticky zipper with a graphite pencil, or putting newspaper at the bottom of a trash bag to collect the drippings (do people still use pencils, or newspapers, or read Hints from Heloise?)
But modern life has made things so convenient, we’ve come to expect that every frustration must have a secret tip that would sweep it away. We’ve been trained to expect our lives to be frictionless, an expectation that magnifies each irritation as a surprising anomaly. So many things are so easy, we have become addicted to convenience, despite the fact that life is often inherently inconvenient.
A whole industry has dedicated itself to providing life hacks, those quick and easy steps that let us jump the line over the daily toils of living. Don’t want to eat healthy and move your body? Take this supplement that burns belly fat. Don’t want to discipline your spending habits? Download this easy plan for growing rich.
When applied to our interior life, our desire to avoid discomfort can put us into a harmful spin. We all have an internal radar that monitors the world for threats and gives us plenty of space for worries. If we start to view every frustration as a problem to be hacked and dash off for a remedy, we can forget the primary reason we are here and miss the vital message in the frustration.
While there is nothing wrong with wanting life to be pleasant, making life pleasant is not our primary purpose. The life purpose for each of us will vary, but they are all variations of a common theme: we are here to learn how to be vehicles of service for the common good; we are bringing Spirit into human form; we are discovering our gifts and giving them to the world. In short, we are learning ever deeper ways to give and receive love.
To do that, we must become aware of our ego patterns, loosen them, and integrate their lessons, not suppress them. If we seek immediate relief at each irritation, we short-circuit the process. A better step would be to pay attention each time we are frustrated, irritated, impatient, uncomfortable, fearful, anxious … and pause. Be willing to stay with the discomfort or fear and see what it is trying to teach us.
With practice, it’s possible to notice our pains and our desire to speed past them, without actually speeding past them. Irritations are the indicators on your internal dashboard that an ego pattern is surfacing. The next time you feel irritated, impatient, or angry, try these steps instead of looking for a quick release from the discomfort.
Pause Just … slow … down. When you are caught in a reactive ego pattern, impulsive action is never wise. Take a breath, and a moment, to center yourself.
Notice What physical sensations are you feeling? Where do they arise in your body? Do they remind you of other times you have felt this way? Can you name the pattern?
Sit For just a moment, sit with your sensations without interpreting them. The first story you start to tell about your reaction is almost never the true one. Spend a few minutes just being with the pattern and feeling the discomfort.
Ask Picture yourself sitting across from this reaction and talking to it. Ask it what it wants, what it is trying to protect you from. Listen to the answer. See what insights are available.
Thank Thank your reactive pattern for showing up and sharing information. Say goodbye, although I’m pretty sure he’ll be back.
Photo by Olav Ahrens Røtne on Unsplash